Orig Written 14 May 2011.
'Don't compare your body to others. Instead, work to be your personal best."-Brett Hoebel
I really hope that my openness never comes across as complaining! I know my view on realism versus false hopeoften comes across as pessimistic or even cynical. I declare myself as a realist. It is part of who I am, almost as if it is a strand of my DNA. That being said, it is not new news that I have been going through a bit of a rough patch. Do not ask me about my day, or even how I am- cause I will tell you! There are definetly some changes I need to make in life including with my all too forgiving girlfriend, with my endearing mother, with my job that I obviously put there (got the job) and kept there (haven't been hired elsewhere) for a reason. With my transportation situation. With how I spend the (albeit limited) time I have with my kids, and most importantly- with my God!
It is on that last one that my thoughts are on this morning, perhaps because I believe that when that relationship is going well, then all of the other ones will fall into place. I cannot simply undo whatever harmed or separated my realtionship with God because I do not know what the turning point was, but more importantly becasue He simply does not care. All He asks is that I give Myself, all of Myself to Him. No other offense needs restitution. he has already remedied the situation. Like the woman in Mark 12 who tossed in her two mites, or Hannah whoi gave up all she ever asked for (1 Samuel 2) whatever has my focus needs to be cast aside and my attention put towards Jesus. He should not "be faint in my mind" (Hebrews 12:3.)
My prayer is that all that hinders me right now, everything mentioned above would be part of His plan. Perhaps I should look at my arm more. My tattoo is a reference to John 6:9. When a problem presents itself, Jesus takes what we put forth and uses it to further His purposes. Man's purpose said to send the people away. God's purposes (through Jesus) said, "You give them something to eat." Lord, take what I have and show me Your purpose in it!
I am reminded of two business beginnings that I hope will serve as analogies. A college student in a marketing class was given an assignment. He was to make a business model for a product missing in the world. He came up with an idea to compete with a government agency. His professor was not impressed. Long story short, he does not all the teacher's criticism to hold him back. He drops out of school and starts his company. WHAT CAN BROWN DO FOR YOU? We all have those "teachers" in our lives. Some in the forms of friends, bosses, and even family. Those who stop us from seeing what could be. My life I have let too many of them influence me and am now asking God, "what could be?" Or perhaps I just need some cyanide. A few decades ago, several shipments of Acetaminophen were found to be tainted with cyanide and rat poison. This dilemma led to Tylenol (and other companies soon followed suit) to put the sealed cap on OTC medications. See! God even uses poison for His good! How many lives have those caps saved? How many children's lives have been spared?
So I know that what seems like an obstacle now is simply God clearing the way for something great. Six months ago I could barely execute a proper pushup. I have no upper body strength. earlier this morning I showed myself how far I have come by doing 40 perfect consecutive ones in excellent form without stopping. Over 200 with breaks, even doing spiderman, plyo, and scorpion pushups! This also showed me that after Basic Training I was not the strongest I would ever be! That took 11 years for God to show me, including many, many sad times! In high school I could not even run a quarter mile without an asthma attack, last week I ran 6.5 miles in an hour without stopping and my easy, leveled breatyhing! I am so anxious and excited for the next adventures God has in store for me!
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