Lies!

Those of you that "know" me, know I am not all that interested in the number on the scale. Perhaps thats a big fat lie because when it showed 180 today, I was ecstatic! When I put down my goal weight last year, it was to get under 200 lbs from 250, which I did! Then as I continued to lose, I seemed to shrink. Jokingly I was called anorexic by my friends, which was funny because portion control was (and is) a big problem for me! I stopped focusing on a number and just tried to become more tone. My chest and shoulders disappeared when I lost my weight. My stomach slimmed but didnt disappear. That said, a couple weeks a go I did begin to notice an upper abdominal muscle!
So what has worked? Logging my calories. I use myfitnesspal.com, journaling sometimes helps, but not always. It helps make a slightly better decision, like forgoing 100 extra calories (cheese) or maybe working out a little longer! I gave up soda and energy drinks earlier this year for Lent, wow that was in March and its now December! My only slip up was when my mom and I had lunch and I grabbed the wrong cup. I picked up running and working out at home via a few DVDs. Now that I have a more precise plan of what I want, I have gone back to the gym and even work with a fantastic trainer. I call her my mini Jillian Michaels, which is pretty funny considering she is taller than the real one!
Anyhow, I just wanted to share my excitement about reaching another milestone. I think excitement is important! It keeps you focused! When I run, I love to hear it when the pros come on and cheer me on via my Nike+ app. I also use Boom from Nike when I work out at the gym. As my goals change, my support system seems to as well. I consider that a good thing! We should be constantly adapting, and those that say they support us should tested! Thank you for supporting me!

Tug of War... with ourselves?

A friend of mine recently broke up, or rather got dumped by his fiance less than a month before the wedding. I really dont want to concentrate on why she broke it off with him, and rightly so, I just dont believe that they mesh well. But, his actions before and after the break up are something of an analogy for everything we do. He drinks, not all the time but when he does, he does in excess. During one of our "why doesnt she want me" talks, I reminded him that everything he did would either get him closer to one result or another. Back together or moving on, giving her the space she requested would make him sihine in her a eyes a positive light, bugging her not so much. Talking to other girls, flirting, dates, sex would be fun but it wouldnt exactly help him repair things with each other. I hope you can see where I am going with this, because he didnt, and stil doesnt. At the time of writing this it looks like they are each doing things as they did before but for being the glimmer of truth that I am, I am being marked as the single guy who just wants everyone else to be single. Not true, however, I am reminding them thateverything we do, good or bad, brings us closer or further away from our goals.
Really wish I remembered that a few nights ago at Golden Corral! I attacked that buffet with what can only be seen as domination. With regards to both healthy food (plenty of fruits, vegetables, and fish) and not so much (carrot cake, ice cream, and my glorious double digit steak.) It was really good and a nice change of pace from Mcdonalds. My kids didnt get to play but it was nice to have a family meal and just sit at the table without them polishing off thier food as fast as they could so they could do to the PlayPlace, what I did to that buffet! I have also been working longer days at a new job, which I am very thankful for. However its retail in November. So my exercising and all around nutrition is not what it should be. Yet another reminder that everything either brings us closer or further from where we want to be!

Paul told the same thing to the Galatians. Kind of the whole serving two masters thing. You cant pound out at the gym to be able to eat more. It just doesnt work that way! Thats why fad diets and exercise programs which refer to just one of the sources (diet and exercise) do not work. It has to be a matter of incorporating both together. ike Paul was telling the Galatians, our faith and works must coincide, not battle each other. If we push and pull in opposite directions we wont go anywhere, which is to simply go the opposite of where we want to be. Both efforts are compromised, unfortunately. Luther, in his commentary on Galatians, called this very act idolatry. How about that for calling your efforts (worship) counterproductive?

Today's point is simply to examine our actions and before continuing in our current paths, asking ourselves, "is this bringing me closer or further away, from the life I wish to lead?"

Motivation

I just got done reading an article about "somking Joe" Frazier, and his rivalry with Muhammad Ali in the wake of Frazier's death yesterday. The article spoke a lot about how thier rivalry, and three famous bouts, were motivated by thier hate for each other. However, if you read other things and even watch the Ali movie with Will Smith, you find out it is not so much hate but mutual respect. Both are huge motivators.

My bluntness has been one of my best qualities. Some people also cannot handle it and I am okay with it. I go for absolute truth and see the world in black and white with limited shades of grey. When it comes to my own weight loss, something must change though. I have lost 70 lbs and am mere inches (less than 5 lbs) away from my goal weight. When most people lose a significant amount of weight they reward themselves with new clothes, however, my long torso makes me stay within the XXL range. So that "magic number" or new wardrobe cannot be my motivators.

Doing my best, perfecting my form, my ultimate goal of not being ashamed of taking my shirt off in public has still been my motivator. I know the cliche answer is my kids, and I think about them often, but they dont necessarily push me to go the 10 miles I did yesterday. I hope that they see in other areas of my life (because they are not around when I work out) the same tenacity, intensity, and lack of quit that I put into my workouts. I believe it is rubbing off on my parents. I havent necessarily seen much action being done but my two obese parents have started making somewhat better choices in the kitchen.

So what is your main motivator? I say main because we all have smaller motivators that are nice but supplement the big picture rather than become it. The medal supplements you running the race! Looking in the mirror and seeing a triple digit number at the end of the barbell plays second to the pride you feel after you rack your weights. I dont want to feel my heart pounding out of my chest, but I do want to feel pride in myself, that the Flash needs a head start! ha ha! Think to yourself about what motivates you, not just in the gym but at work and with your family and friends. Notice how, like I mentioned with my kids, the attitudes overlap!

Instant Lifestyles

What is it about these days? Instant coffee, intant messenger, quick trip, quick start, instant tea, instant oatmeal, instant water: just add water! We live drive through lives! We work more for less. How do we make sense of a work with overtime and no down time, or even lunch time? And how are we to wait of God's training in a world of diet pills and fitness contraptions promising instant results? No wonder my pastor just began a series called "Strange Days Indeed."

God tells us that He speaks not in a clash, but in a still small voice. They waited thousands of years for King David's descendant and they missed Him! What are we missing by rushing through our lives? We could miss an opportunity, an opportunity to grow! An opportunity to further the Kingdom!

It has been proven that when you rush you make more mistakes. In physical training form is just one of many things to suffer! You are more prone to injury when you rush! Did you know, you actually get more out of a bicep curl when coming down slow, rather than rushing through your repititions?

Take time today to rest, enjoy life, do things right, and hear what God and the Universe are telling you!

Accountability partners, Thank you!

"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." Galatians 2:20

I started a new job yesterday. It is very exciting, and even moreso nerveracking! I should be well established in my career right now but I am starting over. Fitting I suppose. I am starting many new phases in my life, including friends and family. New baby on the way, reevaluated those I want to surround myself with. New attitude.
Praying that God helps me to see people in a new light. My life started to change a few years ago when I excited a great job I excelled t because I could not stand how I was forced to treat people, that is, very disrespectfully. I have tried a few other jobs and nothing seems to fit. I hope this one does. After two days, I am very hopeful. Hope. I am also hopeful for the new way I will be able to see people, as creatures of God. They are not competition but rather brothers and sisters in Christ. I have my convictions and those I surround myself should be able to help me with those. No negativity if you want to be around me. I have lost that focus in the past few years. I am proud to be regaining it. "So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view (2 Cor 5:16). " it wont be easy which is why, with anything that you want to stick, it is good to have those who will keep me accountable. If you are reading this, that means you! Thank you! Sometimes it can be easy to give up on yourself, not so much on those around you.
I started 2 separate 30 day challenges. One is to rework through PrayFit. If you have not picked up Jimmy's [Pena] book, definetely consider it! 30 days examining your health- spitiual and physical. The mental can't help but follow! I am also pushing myself with Movember, a pledge to run 90 miles in Novemeber! Some of the participants are extending this to walking as well but not me! I will run it! Thank you to everyone helping me through these and every challenge I face on a daily basis!

Chains

'Youarefettered,'said Scrooge, trembling.'Tell mewhy?' 'I wear the chain I forged in life,'replied the Ghost.'I made it link by link, and yard by yard; I girded it on of my own free will, and of my own free will I wore it.' -Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol

"My chains are gone, I've been set free." The "old ball and chain." Chains have really gotten a bad rap. I know they are old and dirty. Metallic and cold. Not something you to touch. They hold things securely out of reach. They lock things off. Image a prisoner in medieveal times, his freedom is locked away by chains to his arms and legs, or perhaps both such as in many modern day prisoners.

So then why is it that bodybuilders, professionals when it comes to working with the "proper" equipment use chians to build stregnth and endurance. How is it that a tool for restricting people, restraining them both inside and out, physically and mentally, is welcomed by these men and women who have one purpose, get bigger. They use these chains that were meant for harm, for good! They use them to train. They use them to get stronger. They use them to push themselves past thier known limits.

When most people think of chains they think about what holds them back, how there can only be so much left and how if they perhaps endure a little more then it will all be okay. But then there's these guys who say, bring on the chains, if i CAN endure through this then I need more!

Obviously, the point I am trying to make is that what we view as holding us make shold be viewed as something we use to make us stronger. There is an old idiom that reads something like the first time you do something it is an accident [or mistake] the second time it is experience. Our experiences are our chains, are you a prisoner or a bodybuilder? Is what happens to you holding you back or pushing you forward. Are you slumping down or building muscle. This works for ever part of life. Every thing you do, how you let every experience depict your attitude, will either bring you closer to your goals, or further away to. Think about what you have "chained" yourself to. Now think about how you can use those chains to build yourself up! Won't be easy, but that is sort of the point!

Lost your job? Don't be chained by poverty and sadness, be motivated to start a new adventure!
Got an injury? Don't be chained by excuses, laziness, and sloth. Get excited and work everything else harder!
Got a problem? Stregthen your mind, body, and soul as you work through it!

At the Core...

Just what is so special about the core? 4 out of 5 workout DVDs or books are about the core. There are even books that say you can eat your way to a healthier core, which is ridiculous in itself considering toning and losing weight are products of a deficit, and since when can you subtract by adding?
Everyone has to concentrate on the core, The Biggest Loser's Bob Harper goes to length about the core. "Athletes train from the hips, it is where all of your energy comes from." In Ancient times the heart was the name given to the center of man, and to a certain extent that is correct, but the core is where all strength is derived. But what exactly is the core? While doing research I found everything from simply the abdominal muscles to the abs, back, hips, and chest. In the book, "Core Strength for Dummies," it is not the abdominals or the back, but rather the muscles in between, Personally I would say it depends on what you are trying to attain with your workouts. "Pistol Pete" changed the game of basketball and received his moniker from using his core, rather than arm strength to shoot. He was referred to as "Pistol Pete" because he shot from the hips, similar to the exaggerated gunslinger in old westerns. It is silly to think of it as only the abs, because if the core is the support system for the entire body then what supports the core? Well the backbone of the core, is well, the back. A strong back is essential for a strong core. A strong core is essential for a strong body.
The same is true of the "core's" in our personal and spiritual lives. In the movie Luther, we are reminded of a pivotal moment when a young Martin Luther starts to understand the difference between following the church and a relationship with Christ. Rather than side with traditional teaching he notes that the words of Christ for the foundation, or core if you will, to our belief in God.
Regardless of what you call it, it is obvious that at the core of anything, from there stems the final product. If you have a strong core you will have a strong body. If the core of your beliefs and morals are strong, your faith will also be strong. If your ethics are strong, you will not waver between opinions. Be strong. Be firm, in everything you do. If you are, you will not be displeased with the results!

Well, Jesus, What's Next?

Orig Written 14 May 2011.

'Don't compare your body to others. Instead, work to be your personal best."-Brett Hoebel

I really hope that my openness never comes across as complaining! I know my view on realism versus false hopeoften comes across as pessimistic or even cynical. I declare myself as a realist. It is part of who I am, almost as if it is a strand of my DNA. That being said, it is not new news that I have been going through a bit of a rough patch. Do not ask me about my day, or even how I am- cause I will tell you! There are definetly some changes I need to make in life including with my all too forgiving girlfriend, with my endearing mother, with my job that I obviously put there (got the job) and kept there (haven't been hired elsewhere) for a reason. With my transportation situation. With how I spend the (albeit limited) time I have with my kids, and most importantly- with my God!

It is on that last one that my thoughts are on this morning, perhaps because I believe that when that relationship is going well, then all of the other ones will fall into place. I cannot simply undo whatever harmed or separated my realtionship with God because I do not know what the turning point was, but more importantly becasue He simply does not care. All He asks is that I give Myself, all of Myself to Him. No other offense needs restitution. he has already remedied the situation. Like the woman in Mark 12 who tossed in her two mites, or Hannah whoi gave up all she ever asked for (1 Samuel 2) whatever has my focus needs to be cast aside and my attention put towards Jesus. He should not "be faint in my mind" (Hebrews 12:3.)
My prayer is that all that hinders me right now, everything mentioned above would be part of His plan. Perhaps I should look at my arm more. My tattoo is a reference to John 6:9. When a problem presents itself, Jesus takes what we put forth and uses it to further His purposes. Man's purpose said to send the people away. God's purposes (through Jesus) said, "You give them something to eat." Lord, take what I have and show me Your purpose in it!
I am reminded of two business beginnings that I hope will serve as analogies. A college student in a marketing class was given an assignment. He was to make a business model for a product missing in the world. He came up with an idea to compete with a government agency. His professor was not impressed. Long story short, he does not all the teacher's criticism to hold him back. He drops out of school and starts his company. WHAT CAN BROWN DO FOR YOU?  We all have those "teachers" in our lives. Some in the forms of friends, bosses, and even family. Those who stop us from seeing what could be. My life I have let too many of them influence me and am now asking God, "what could be?" Or perhaps I just need some cyanide. A few decades ago, several shipments of Acetaminophen were found to be tainted with cyanide and rat poison. This dilemma led to Tylenol (and other companies soon followed suit) to put the sealed cap on OTC medications. See! God even uses poison for His good! How many lives have those caps saved? How many children's lives have been spared?
So I know that what seems like an obstacle now is simply God clearing the way for something great. Six months ago I could barely execute a proper pushup. I have no upper body strength. earlier this morning I showed myself how far I have come by doing 40 perfect consecutive ones in excellent form without stopping. Over 200 with breaks, even doing spiderman, plyo, and scorpion pushups! This also showed me that after Basic Training I was not the strongest I would ever be! That took 11 years for God to show me, including many, many sad times! In high school I could not even run a quarter mile without an asthma attack, last week I ran 6.5 miles in an hour without stopping and my easy, leveled breatyhing! I am so anxious and excited for the next adventures God has in store for me!

Self. Science. Sweat.

Taken from a note of my friend Mindy's :
Some people think success people are successful because they have a secret they are doing or something but really they figure out what works and are consistent doing those things daily for a long period of time and they are POSITIVE happy people and have the right philosophy.
And now it's my turn!
Funny how God works sometimes. I mean I can be struggling and then hear a song like Eminem's "Lose Yourself" or Kanye West's "Stronger" and instantly I get a second wind. Tonight's sermon was pretty much the same thing. We are in the middle of a series called Vows, which disects the traditional wedding vows into what they really mean. Tonight's was "to have and to hold," but to avoid getting off topic let me just say that it was about, being consistent. You cant worship your significant other, and disrespect her at the same time. The message analyzed what type of relationship we are in, no wonder the breakdown of marraige is at such an alarming rate. we pull people close physically but make it a point to push them away emotionally and spiritually. God tells us in 1 Corinthians to be of one mind but in our human nature we fall short! We should be running to the place where God is and let HIm bless us. However, in our fallen human nature, we ask for God to bless us from where we stand. Action, it seems, is too much for us! Its easy to say we want to be one way, but action does not seem to be our nature! We need to have AND hold. And is where the emphasis should be. The Hebrew word used here is glued. To proactively stay together. There goes that word again, action.
But, at least in my own life, action seems to be a struggle! It is easier to have days where I seem to slack off in my workouts, where I forget to draw the line when I eat. Where I eat simply because it was prepared, or (as my past has definetly shown) most of my overeating is out of boredom. These two problems seem to be the result of inaction.
It is all part of a cycle. To have and to hold. You must do both! I love Jillian Michael's formula. Its a 3 part to living a healthy lifestyle. Self/ Science/ Sweat. Work on your self, your own inner demons. Eat right, think about what you are doing. And once you have that plan in place, do the work! Exercise according to the plan you came up with in the science portion. You cant just eat well and work out, if you ignore the self portion the rest crumbles. The same is true of any relationship. You can's simply claim to be in a relationship (HAVE) you must also do the work (HOLD.) Whether that be quality time or whatever your relationship (with anyone) may be lacking, put in the work! If you mess up or forwent the work in the past, it is okay! Come to terms with wear you went wrong (Self), come up with a plan to rectify or apologize to all concerned if necessary (Science), and build onward (Sweat.)
Definetly what I needed to hear, and not just because I ate twice my calorie goal with no real workout today!

Yoga as prayer

Yoga is pretty amazing. I say this as a novice among novices! I can barely say some of the positions, let alone do them. But I try! Yoga is unlike any other type of exercise (except maybe Pilates, but that's missing the point.)
     As far as this amatuer can tell, the point of yoga is to become finer tuned with your body. It no wonder other religions have embraced the exercise. It takes focus off the self and achievement. It is not about reps but rather an emphasis on form and an internal versus external struggle. It is about stretching yourself (literally) beyond what you thought you were capable of. And isnt that what God asks about us? I think its a fantastic metaphor! For those of us who remain active, we are constantly building upon muscles and flexibility we have already built. IN our faith, the same thing goes. If we (spiritually) dont stretch or train, we become like those that sleep (1 Thes 5:7.)
     When we look back and see how much further we are able to reach after working at yoga, it brings an amazing feeling. Not only of accomplishment- but that what we are doing is not simply a waste of time. The same is true of our Life with God! If we follow Paul's direction to "Rejoice evermore" (1 Thes 5:16) we cannot help but find more to rejoice about! It may seem odd or uncomfortable at first, but much like holding a plank position for a long time, our relationship with God becomes more fluid when we work at it. We can do this by talking to Him. And like we just dont work our upper body (it would like a cartoon character, completely silly and awkward) our relationship with God is complex and diverse. Talk, but also listen. He often speaks in a soft, sweet voice (1 Kings 19: 12.) Why be afraid to vocalize what He already knows? He merely wants to hear it. Like a Tree Pose, it is easy. If you don't use your muscles (whether in yoga or God forbid running or any other  exercise) they atrophy. The same is true of your spiritual health. Exercise your spirit. CS Lewis said, "You do not have a soul. You are a soul who has a body." I love that quote! I know I keep using it but I just cant help it!
     How do we do our spiritual exercising? Charity, going to church, Bible studies, small groups, volunteering, mission trips- are all wonderful but the most effective is simply to pray. Talk to God. Ask His will. That will make it awfully easier to do. And like the goal of Yoga is to buiild a better body, isnt doing the Will of God the goal of every Christian?
     Like many positions (upward and downward dog, chaturanga) and types (Bikram, Hatha) of Yoga, there are also many ways to pray. Explore to find out what works best for you. Jesus gave us the model for our conversations with God in Matthew 6. At the risk of Ricky Bobby references, what Jesus do you pray to? The Great Healer? The Good Shepherd? The Almighty King? Buddy Christ (had to do a Dogma reference but I often talk to Jesus as one does to a best friend) or do you talk to Him as Father? Do you use a formal liturgy or are your prayers more off the cuff? Are they formed thoughts are childlike ramblings?

Where Are you?

I wrote this blog over and over in my head. Its the first words out of my mouth before starting a great journey, an already in progress transfomation. For some reason, it brings with it a sense of nervousness, similar to that of ta Father on his daughter's wedding day. Part of me said to say where I am at in my life's journey, including my weight loss journey. I hate that phrase, it sounds so cliche! Or did I want this blog to be a mental accompaniment to the physical workouts? I thought why not both? So please send me an email at matthewalancrawford@gmail.com or find me at www.facebook.com/crawfordm. I would love to hear what everytone else would like to talk about!
As far as where I am, I have been (for a while now) unhappy with my life. My past mistakes, have molded me into smoething I was not happy with. As far as my body goes, I have always been embarassed about my gut. My stoch has always looked like a pregnant woman! My 300+ stepfather even said that I was starting to look like him. I'm not sure if it was that, or the pictures from last summer's trip to Boca Raton that "lit the fire under me," but something has. About 6 months ago I took a job at a dementia ward hoping to make a positive impact, however the job seems that I am more of a housekeeper than a helper.
There are just so many things I am trying to get out of life. Something had to be done. And here we are. During the trip to Boca Raton, a year ago I weighed 250. I did some cutting back and working out and cut down to 230 6 months ago. In the past month I have been counting calories and being more conscious about everything I do. Chocolate milk is more than just a drink. Soda is seen as unnecessary. Water, which I never drank before, I now drink more than 100 oz a day! I am beginning to eat out a lot less, which is fantastic for the wallet and the waistline.
So, I suppose as it turns out, the real purpose of this blog is to ask you, Where Are You?