"The Christian way is different: harder, and easier. Christ says, 'Give me All. I don't want so much of your time and so much of your money and so much of your work: I want You. I have not come to torment your natural self, but to kill it. No half- measures are any good. I don't want to cut a branch here and a branch there, I want to have the whole tree down. Hand over the whole natural self, all the desires which you think innocent as well as the ones you think wicked- the whole outfit. I will give you a new self instead. In fact I will give you Myself: my own will shall become yours...' What we have been told is how we can be drawn into Christ- can become part of that wonderful present which the young Prince of the universe wants to offer his Father- that present which is Himself and therefore us in Him. It is the only thing we were made for."
-C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity
We really need to give all of us to God. He requires it. It is the condition that all of His promises are based on. People often forget that! That is why soma people take Jeremiah 29:11 out of context! God says, "Do this and you will prosper!" People expect the prosperity without keeping their end of the bargain.I am no different. I compartmentalize. I keep God in one part of my life. But do not give over my drinking and my sexual desires over to Him. That is stopping me from receiving His promises. Those moments of instant gratification have caused relationships to go bad and even prevent further successes in my walk with Christ. Christ demands it all. He wants all of me! I have always said that everything we do either brings us closer or further away from our goals. Our walk with God is no different. Self gratification, the music I listen to, the language I use, all of it should be to glorify God. I should stop others from defaming God. I cannot really do that unless I "live a life worthy of the calling." I feel like if He came to me and demanded it, I would no choice but to hang my head in shame. I'm sure He would lift my head up with welcome arms and say "Follow Me and sin no more." (John 8:11) Jesus requires that i leave everything and follow Him- mores for one that desires not only to be "one in whom Christ dwells" but how much mores for one who wants to write for and teach the teachers? I go on and on about the years I wasted starting my career, not writing and the 6 year lapse in my education. How much more am I missing out on the life I so earnestly yearn for. I miss out my delaying my full disclosure to Christ. While others would say "better late than never" and "at least you are making good now" I am definitely my worst critic and can't help of thinking of Bonhoeffer's words, "It is not about breaking rules, but actually pursuing God." I let myself slide, but knowing about God is not the same as knowing God. Happiness by legalism or by being morally good is of no good. My rebellious nature does not allow me to do good simply to have done good. I am at a crossroads. I can continue to slide, in which case I feel like it may be worse than it has been, or I can head back into The Light. I can show people how Jesus is welcoming me with those open arms. That is the only reason anything has ever come into being, to draw everything towards Christ. But it is not without consequence. It requires a label and an explanation. I am asked to confess at any moment and without warning. It should be a welcome opportunity to minister, but recently I have run and backed myself into my own corner. I have missed the opportunities Christ has given me, I pray for forgiveness. It costs being able to just go out- either people label me as a hypocrite or I impose guilt on myself. I pray for a heart like God's- where the focus is on the Relationship, and not how I have screwed up in the past. Where guilt subsides and I concentrate on God working in my life rather than when I wasn't working. This is the whole reason to exist. To become what C.S. Lewis called a "little Christ." Rather than worry about what a "little world" would do- be a sex addict, attention seeker, a drunkard, behind on child support, I need to work on what He would do- preach the Word, raise His children right, be active in activities to proclaim a life of Christ.
